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Tuesday, December 31st, 2002
8:54 am - Heroes
My New Year's Eve Heroes are:

Phillip K. Dick and Lou Reed. :)

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Wednesday, December 4th, 2002
12:01 am - German
The language is slowly seeping into my brain.

Well. What little of it that we've covered this semester.

It's strange the way learning works sometimes.

Blah. This is going to be a long night for me. :(

current mood: tiredish

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12:01 am - German
The language is slowly seeping into my brain.

Well. What little of it that we've covered this semester.

It's strange the way learning works sometimes.

Blah. This is going to be a long night for me. :(

current mood: tiredish

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Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002
9:15 pm - Bad Body!
No getting fever during the last week of school.

BAD BODY! BAD!

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5:46 pm - Fun!
Naked Goth/Emo/Punk girls. Suicide Girls.com.

There aren't even any annoying banner ads, vote for us links, etc. Granted, they want your money, but apparently there are journals and message boards and all kinds of nifty stuff.

I confess I'm interested in spite of myself. :)

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Monday, December 2nd, 2002
12:48 pm - Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
So I skipped a bunch of my classes today, which was a really dumb dumb dumb thing to do, and I really hope that it isn't the academic death of me.

I'm going to make it to British Literature though, not so much out of a feeling of obligation to go to that particular class as the fact that I owe it to my friend Jeremy Burns (editor of Nebo, our school's literary magazine) to show up today at some point to discuss/work on the magazine. I'm signed up for one credit hour of working on it, and it would be wonderful if I could snag an A. Between that and the possibility of A/B type grades in a couple of my other classes may help make any really shitty grades that I get not be quite so painful.

I like the WPI system. It makes it where you don't have to worry so much about grades. You can just let a class fall apart and self-destruct if you know that you can't realisticly stop it, instead of having to beg and scrape and push yourself to death in order to slip into the C (or whatever) to ensure that your GPA doesn't become complete crap.

I'm not sure what my future holds at this point in my life. That is more than a bit scary.

We shall see. Finals are next week.

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12:43 am - It's the Return
Due to popular demand (also known as 'peer pressure'), I'm going to start maintaing this silly little thing again.

It should be astoundingly different this time around, since I won't be using it only to express thoughts that seem to be hard to get out in the world that is known as "reality" that all the kids like to talk trash about. Instead, it will just be a seemingly objective chronicle of events, thoughts, feelings, etc. that pour out into my life.

And because I write well, hopefully it will be amusing and/or interesting.

Currently, I am hungry.

I am going to probably be up all night studying German and other things that I have neglected for the sake of Romeo & Juliet and Thanksgiving vacation.

It's very weird in some ways to be back in Russellville where I am.

I feel an odd mixture of overwhelming defeat and inpenetrable confidence.

I am insanely girl-crazy, and it probably show. It's ok though, because the vast majority of girls that I had the pleasure of interacting with tonight while I was on duty at the Library walked away laughing and/or smiling, which I usually take to be a positive sign. ;)

Hrm.

There are other things to be said, but I'll let them roll out as time goes by.

Farwell for now.

current mood: tired

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Thursday, March 7th, 2002
9:52 pm - Bit of Writing Done at Work (With Paragraph Breaks)
The sudden desire to keel over and die, to cease moving oxygen through your lungs and to stop the beating of your heart, is not a healthy impulse according to my therapist.

What does he know about pain? About death?

Night after night, I find myself staring at my bedroom ceiling trying to escape to the warm bliss of sleep, and instead, I find myself, sense of time obliterated, standing zombie-like behind the counter at Rogers Video Palace recommending the new Woody Allen movie to a middle-aged couple. All the facets of my brain capable of happiness, pleasure, and joy having been reduced to one throbbing ache that never goes away. Once in that state, death doesnt look quite as bad.

Dr. Hammer asks me to list off things that I consider positive things about my life. Reasons to live. Reasons not to commit suicide is what he really means. Suicides are bad for business.

I try to explain that Im not suicidal. Its just that I sometimes think that it would be for the best if Nature reached up and plucked me from the face of the Earth, premature as it might be, but hes no longer watching me and guessing from the seemingly random zigzagging of his five dollar blue and chrome pen, hes not listening either.

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9:52 pm - Bit of Writing Done at Work
The sudden desire to keel over and die, to cease moving oxygen through your lungs and to stop the beating of your heart, is not a healthy impulse according to my therapist.
What does he know about pain? About death?
Night after night, I find myself staring at my bedroom ceiling trying to escape to the warm bliss of sleep, and instead, I find myself, sense of time obliterated, standing zombie-like behind the counter at Rogers Video Palace recommending the new Woody Allen movie to a middle-aged couple. All the facets of my brain capable of happiness, pleasure, and joy having been reduced to one throbbing ache that never goes away. Once in that state, death doesnt look quite as bad.
Dr. Hammer asks me to list off things that I consider positive things about my life. Reasons to live. Reasons not to commit suicide is what he really means. Suicides are bad for business.
I try to explain that Im not suicidal. Its just that I sometimes think that it would be for the best if Nature reached up and plucked me from the face of the Earth, premature as it might be, but hes no longer watching me and guessing from the seemingly random zigzagging of his five dollar blue and chrome pen, hes not listening either.

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Saturday, December 1st, 2001
3:58 pm - Dancing
Dancing (in shoes) on an ice skating rink is really fun, because of the low levels of friction you can do all kinds of cool stuff that normally wouldn't be possible. :)

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Saturday, November 24th, 2001
1:37 am - People
What is it with people and home movie watching?

Does the absence of a popcorn vender and a huge-ass screen somehow ruin the whole experience for them thus requiring them to ruin the enjoyment of others as well?

Talking, sleeping, or in the right context even sexual advances seem to be constantly occuring whenever I watch movies with most people. Nobody actually focuses on and watches the film and yet are surprised when they have difficult following the plot.

It boggles the mind.

I can't stand it, but at the same time, I don't really like watching movies alone.

It's a difficult position that life puts me in.

On the upside. Kennedy got me the Clerks: the Animated Series DVD for my birthday.

WOO!

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Sunday, November 18th, 2001
8:56 pm - Nudity
I seem to be on a sex kick tonight, but what the hell? I might as well ride it out.

I hate sometimes that nudity has become such a taboo in our society. I wish at times that people could simply get over the insecurities that somehow have been attached with nakedness. I wish people would stop thinking of the human form as something to be embarrassed about regardless of how sleek it is.

There is something inherently beautiful about nudity, and not in a sexual way.

Ohwell. I'm no exception to the rule here, so life will go on I guess.

Still, it'd be intensely neat if I could share that kind of moment with someone without sexuality really entering into it.

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6:47 pm - Ginsberg
"For the world is a mountain

of shit: if it's going to
be moved at all, it's got
to be taken by handfuls."

--Allen Ginsberg, "The Terms in Which I Think of Reality"

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6:17 pm - Sex
I think it's fair to say that through most of my life I've been somewhat sexually repressed.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not some horribly ardent "celibacy is the only way" religious fanatic or straightedge person or whatever. I am a virgin, but I've had my fair share of sexual experience none the less with three distinct people.

It's just that. . . sometimes I seem to have a tedency to look upon sexual desire as a negative qualitiy in myself. I know that it's largely because there are a lot of guys out there who are mindless slaves to their libido, and I have a strong desire not to be like that. Instead, I've taken up something of the opposite end of the spectrum, and I have a lurking suspicion that if it weren't for the fact the girls that I've had the pleasure of being with were very agressive in the sack then I might not having any experience in that realm at all.

I suspect maybe that I've been in error.

There's nothing wrong with desire. The only potential for good or bad comes in how a person acts on it.

Now, the eventual question is can I actually convince myself that it's ok for me to be lustful? :)

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3:44 pm - Harry Potter
Well. Harry Potter apparently broke more or less every opening weekend/day record that's in the books with it's massive $90+ million three-day opening.

I suppose it's not terribly surprising. Lots of really good press. Lots of really good trailers. Lots of fans of the book. Lots of good word of mouth I'm sure, since the movie turned about to be pretty good.

If they play their cards right on these book-to-movie translations in the future, they could be looking at a gigantic franchise. It's somewhat heretical of me to say, but there is even a chance of it rising to Star Wars proportions.

Not that the quality is the same, but the hype certainly seems to stand the chance of going there.

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3:12 pm - Addiction
I am 32% ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.



I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!


Take the INTERNET-ADDICT Test at Fuali.com!

I'm not a net-addict. Whee!

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Friday, November 16th, 2001
1:31 pm - Transformers
If I was an Autobot, I'd be:

Click to see what Autobot you could be!

Take the Transformers personality test at android5.com!

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Wednesday, November 14th, 2001
11:50 pm - Hmm
What do you do when you don't have writer's block, but instead . . . you simply can't think of anything that's not tired and overdone to write?

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10:51 pm - Is Sven INSANE?
DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Click Here To Take The Test --



I think it's interesting that I seem to have an equal desire, according to this, to be alone and be the center of attention. :)

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10:43 pm - What a wookie?


Interesting..

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